So quite a few of you have been asking me: "Captain Planet, where are the Planeteers in your life? How come you don't mention them in your blogs? Why are you inserting your hand into that toaster?" In spite the irrelevance of that last question I feel that this blog must address where my former comrades and enablers are in their lives nowadays before it can continue its current chronicling or my travails.
I must say with a heavy heart that I haven't talked with the Planeteers since Christmas eve of 1999. The one exception has been Ma'ti who has been kind enough to keep me from completely shutting myself off from the rest of the world and refusing to bathe with his monthly visits.
Wheeler was fortunately spared this unpleasantness with his passing two months before. Although he was insistent on the collection of a debt that I owed him, we remained on cordial if curt terms. However following his tragic death in a rock climbing incident, the Planeteers refused to meet with me, incredulously blaming me for providing him with a faulty harness that, according to a police detective (but completely unsubstantiated in a court of law) was held together with rivets made out of tinfoil. Needless to say, the Christmas reunion that was required by our severance contract was shaping up to be an unpleasant one.
I felt that this was mainly due not to my presence (as Kwane later carved into my amphibious hovercraft) but instead due to Wheeler's absence. Thus, my decision to dig up his corpse and freeze dry it in time for the party was a logical step to destroying the proverbial wall between me, the Planeteers, and the usual cocaine-fuelled orgy of violence that I had come to love.