Saturday, March 5, 2011

Mailbag #1

I said I would do it, and here it is: my answers for your questions! A grand total of three people asked me questions so i'm fairly certain this is going to be a yearly occurence. Anyway:

"I know what you did, man.
You'll pay for what you did to the squirrels."
E from O

First of all, this isn't a question. Although you did send me an actual question later on, I am still very disappointed that this was the first e-mail that I got. However, to respond to your comment, I have not had anything to do with squirrels in years. I would also like to know where you got that information, as it is clearly false and without merit.

"Have you talked to Captain Pollution, lately?"
E from O

Fishbelt O'Reilly asked me this question as well, I believe. Captain Pollution has since discarded his spandex suit and cologne of rotting garbage for a business suit. Last time I checked, he was the poll captain for the Liberals in NSW.

"Dear Captain Planet,
  I have been wondering this for a long time now after reading you blog, and truth be told I'm a little worried to ask. You have had MANY villains over the years from Dr. Blight to a Evil version of you. Whatever happened to those guys? I mean I figured the planeteers were all weird little bastards anyways; but Those villains always seemed to be a bit more competent and your group of Eco Fighters. Anyways thanks for answering my question on your most busy Schedule.
Your long time fan,

Your assertion that the eco villians I consistently beat during the 80s were more competent than me and the Planeteers is sickening. Here's a question: if they were so competent, than how come the environment is still relatively livable? HUH?

I thought not.

Anyway, most of the eco-villians have passed away from various medical conditions brought on by their puzzling insistence on personally handling hazardous materials and maintaining unhealthy lifestyles. Looten Plunder is serving a 36 month prison sentence for cheating rich people out of their money on chicken bonds default swap deals, while Zarm now operates a small business out of Akron, Ohio, selling books about libertarianism and objectivism. It is my firm assertion that he is saving up money to buy the corpse of Ayn Rand. More to come on that.

That's it for now folks. Send your questions, comments, and majestic pictures of squid to captainofourplanet_( a)


  1. So that's what happened to that lesion covered, Widow's peak hair having freak. Good to know he's sort of reformed, though.

  2. 2nd comment! captain planet is my hero. i wish he could be my brother, or at least my best friend.

  3. Don't worry son, we can't all be as committed to my visage as I am, but you can do the next best thing and become a contributer to my legal defense fund.